i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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