The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
