Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
