Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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