yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
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got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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