sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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