Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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