so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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