THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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