Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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