I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
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The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
God I need to hump something, right now.
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