so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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