Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize