Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Boobs speak an international language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize