your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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