things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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