Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize