So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize