Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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