I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that's an acceptable place to lick
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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