so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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