just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pants are for mortals
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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