My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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