the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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