i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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