Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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