he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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