Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
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the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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