just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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