Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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