Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize