it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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