it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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