i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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