Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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