i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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