then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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