we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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