my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The ass gains better be worth it
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