No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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