I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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