Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
