Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize