my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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