oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
