Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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