Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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