is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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