Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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