I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize