Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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