Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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